Part-time comedian, full-time jobseeker Andy Platt reports back with a clock, a Stock, and some smoking vowels

It was a bright cold day in June, and the clocks were striking eleven. This meant it was time for the newest event on the FOCAL calendar – Countdown in Stockport – to begin. Seasoned veterans and intrepid newcomers alike entered the room one by one, exchanging awkward and nervous greetings, ready for the forthcoming festival of letters, numbers, and conundrums.

The irrepressible, universally-beloved king and queen of the community – Tracey and Mark Mills respectively – had reserved a very swanky (yay!) function room (yay!) with a dedicated bar (yay!) in the Conservative (hmm) Club in Romiley – a village located somewhere in Greater Manchester, and as loose a definition of ‘Stockport’ as one might expect from a budget airline.

31 people showed up to get stuck into a great day’s Countdowning, which was bizarre as there had only been 30 entrants; a scene akin to the famous 1866 battle of the Austro-Prussian War in which Liechtenstein returned home with more soldiers than they had sent out. After sourcing improvised alterations – finding an extra chair, to you and me – we were ready to go.

The tournament was a ‘Bristol’ format, meaning everyone in the room played to the same selection on a main screen, and after some minor technical difficulties – eventually resolved via the excellent computing knowledge of Phil and George, who asked Mark detailed procedural questions such as whether he had tried turning it off and on again – we were underway.

Round 1 didn’t throw up too many surprises. Perhaps the most notable results were wins for Euan and John against veteran matriarchal community stalwarts Fiona and Tracey respectively, with the highest-scoring game of the round being a proper humdinger of a battle between two recent series champions, Dan and Stephen, in which the former prevailed 77-75.

Round 2 saw lower scores across the board as the selections more closely resembled what we are used to at Co-events. Even this could not stop Jack ominously crushing Tim 74-35. Two strangely similar results occurred as Tom beat Robbo 57-45 and Bradley beat George 58-45. In other news, Dan gave me my biggest loss of the day, 60-33, thus we have now fallen out.

Lunch next; I had an absolute banger (pun intended) of a small sausage and chips from the creatively-named Romiley chippy ‘Romiley Chippy’. Others went to Sainsbury’s or to that café owned by actor Will Mellor. Back at the venue, all the cool kids took this moment as the one to begin drinking for the day, with a sweet sweet discount if we flashed Tracey’s deets at the staff.  

In round 3, there were no real shocks: A potential final preview saw Jack beat Dan, while Fiona top-scored with 69 (nice) against Dave, whose unorthodox strategy of talking during the rounds failed. Round 4 saw wins for Stephen against Tim, Dan against George, and Jack against Tom, whilst I let Fiona get on top of me and take control (and then she beat me at Countdown).

Competition was intense: Round 5 saw a multitude of tight games, as players demonstrated just how closely-fought these tournaments have become. MSR squeaked past Stephen by 3, James beat George by just 4, and Tim solved our conundrum almost instantly to beat me by 7. The round also saw single-digit winning margins for Tracey, Euan, Jane, Richard and Phil.

The sixth and final round saw Jack suffer his first and only loss of the day at the hands of MSR who has rapidly become one of the top players on the circuit. In the other main game at the top, another ten-point margin occurred between Bradley and Dan, with their game essentially a single-game shootout for the right to face Jack in the final, with Bradley emerging victorious.

On to the final; Jack vs Bradley. Both players started with the excellent spots optimist and chargees, before Bradley solved a tricky 4L to go ten ahead. This just angered the beast, as pinnular, foliar, blennies, and marinise put Jack into a comfortable lead. When Bradley was forced to risk the now-invalid sedations in R13, the game was over; and it would finish 112-74.

Honourable shout-outs: Firstly to MSR, who finished third on five wins – an excruciating three points fewer than Bradley, just missing out on the final – and secondly to both Dan and Stephen, who were over 30 points ahead of Bradley in terms of total points scored – with their four wins meaning they finished in fifth and sixth positions, rather than second and third.

Other impressive results include Fiona’s fourth place, veteran Richard finishing in eighth, ahead of several players who have won previous events or even entire Countdown series, Tracey and Euan rounding out the top ten, and newbie player and my new best friend Charles just missing out on a top-ten finish in his first-ever event with some very impressive play.

Post-tournament festivities included pints and pool at the venue before a brilliant meal in the creatively-named Italian ‘The Italian’. Thanks again to Mark for organising a great tournament, overcoming multiple difficulties effectively. I hope I speak for everybody when I say that we really enjoyed it, and hope to see Co:Stock back on the calendar in future. For now, why not consider joining us at our next event in Durham on 5th July.