FOCAL’s favourite beardy chum from Brum MSR fills us in on our latest event in Edinburgh

Oh yeah, I was meant to write a blog for this. Don’t blame me, I’ve had school trips to help staff. You try remembering to do stuff when you’ve spent four hours stopping errant twelve-year-olds from jumping into a river.

Anyway, Edinburgh, where booking hotels gives your wallet a cardiac arrest. Given I’ve no house to remortgage, it can make bank robbery look vaguely tempting (for the purposes of maintaining my liberty, this statement is a joke. It’s not like I could be arsed anyway).

Either way, fifteen of us braved the balance puncture, the West Coast Main Line closure, and the East Coast Main Line having a trouser accident, making it to the New Melville Bridge Club as host James Burley opted to try his hand at hosting tournament of a superior game (Citation needed). First round had me playing the hosts of the next two events on the same table; Bingley’s second-most personable hobby anagrammer in George Armstrong (hosting York); and the spreadsheet who learned how to speak in Gabriel Thallon (hosting Tunbridge Wells. Go to both). Apparently you can’t pluralize DOUGHS, which gave George the win (missing ANIMALS didn’t help either). Gabriel kept it level until the last letters round – he tried PROEMIC, I tried EMPIRIC, and only one of those survived the cull. He clawed ahead by playing six small like a bastard, before I pinched the conundrum. Equally close when hosting – Bingley’s second-best nicked it by 7 also.

Sigh of relief breathed, it was onto round 2; CO:Reading host and Phil’s railcard discount in Fiona Titcombe and, Edinburgh’s enemy of the comb in Stevie Gee. If there was a table for running it close, it was this midfield barney. Fiona opted to play 4L to pull ahead (nerrrrrrd) before I got back to within three thanks to STOOGES and nicking another conundrum. Stevie and I matched each letters round, and then had a strange phenomenon that also showed up at Rugby; our numbers picks backfiring. My 3L gave us a target of 996, and he bodged closer. His 4L spat out 983, and I returned the favour before then going for another conundrum win. I have more issues with the fact he beat Fiona by ten points, and she got 57. The number that everyone enjoys to bray at like a mule. 

Having not rammed my head into a wall over the lunch break, it was onto Round 3 – Bingley’s #1/Mr Agent Of Chaos in Maus, and Series 92 winner whose rise in skill makes that of a viagra-fuelled space shuttle look leisurely in Jase Cullen. This has 1-1-1 written all over it we all said. Given that Jase did to Maus what Glaswegians do to Mars Bars, it started as we meant to go on.  Indeed, Maus was 14 points up on me within the first two rounds – I clawed it back thanks to yoinking REALISER from the aether, but he nicked the con. Onto Jase – helping in many a lesson on the properties of metals paid dividends – SONOROUS sent me ahead. Trying SALARIZES (nope) and not being able to do six small did not help. Ten down, two cons did not help my heart rate. Won though. A re-enactment of Maus after he lost his game and got to the final (shouting a marginally rude football chant in a slightly Yorkshire accent) got me asked to win quietly – BORRRINGGG. Tiebreaks are adrenaline highs, and I’d just beaten Jase. Be thankful I forgot to pack party poppers.

Moving on, final table had me playing Colin Murray’s bit-of-pain (long story) in Euan Crabb and the smallest big person ever in Phil Stanton. When it’s 4-7 after R2, you know it’s a CO:Event. I pulled ahead, taking it 18-55 against the Scottish contingent. The previous night’s hostel kip and lingering meat sweats from the Brazilian took its toll, though. Missing PENETRANT was poor form, from both of us, and Phil killed the game by spotting STORMIER. 5th place. Will take that. Bingley battle for the final saw Maus have the very reasonable GLAMPED ruled out and George nicking it on the con WHODUNNIT. Was nice to have a different winner for once. Well done to James! Time to start saving for next year. 

If you aren’t yet signed up for York (or all of the other CO:Events for that matter), then sort yourself out. What are you doing with your life? OK, don’t answer that…